Carlene Canton has written professionally for newspapers, magazines, theaters and a variety of healthcare organizations during her 42-year career. Now she finds the most fun and satisfying writing of all is when she can indulgently capture milestones and moments spent with her grandson Elliott.

Life Lessons at Starbucks

Okay. I have to admit I was getting to the point where I was beginning to forget that my just-turned-three-year-old grandson Elliott would not forever be caught in the throes of tantrums and stubbornness. He would not forever cry when his video ended and was turned off, or when someone else sat in his favorite seat. He would not forever be constitutionally unable to sit at a table in a restaurant for more than seven minutes at a time. After awhile you just start to accept those things as part of normal life.

And then out of the blue, it happened. A glimpse of civility, a stunning moment of stellar communication with the outside world and clear evidence of reasoned forethought.

It happened like this.

Elliott and his mom and I had stopped at a Starbucks for his favorite treat – a chocolate milk and pumpkin bread. As we drove up and parked he told me we were on a mission and the mission was to get chocolate milk and pumpkin bread. As his mom stepped up to order, she asked Elliott to please go find a table. I started out after him but he stopped in his tracks, turned to me and said “No, I can do it.”

So, I backed off and watched.

He walked to the only open spot, a small table near the window with two chairs. Without missing a beat he walked up to a couple at a nearby table. They were two people. They had four chairs. Elliott put his hands on one of the extra chairs and clear as a bell in a voice so polite and mature it was barely recognizable to me, said “May we use this chair?” They looked up, somewhat taken aback to see that the question came from a 36-month-old little boy who was waiting politely for their answer. “Yes, you may,” the woman answered. Elliott said thank you and then proceeded to push the chair all the way to the table he had saved. Only then did he motion me to come over and assigned me a seat, informing me that the one in the middle was for his mom.

I was speechless. I relayed the story to my daughter who was laughing more at my stunned reaction than at Elliott’s perfect Starbucks etiquette. “Have you seen him do that before?”  I asked. “No,” she replied, “but he’s certainly seen us do it enough times.”

Just when you think they aren’t paying attention it turns out they are watching and learning. And while they may catch you using a not necessarily G-rated word now and then they’re also watching and learning the good stuff. Civility. Communication. Reasoning. Three people need three chairs. Two people don’t need four chairs.  If you are in charge of finding the table, you need to find the right number of chairs.  Mission accomplished – and then some.

As his third birthday approaches, Elliott’s vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds. He comes out with individual words that cause us all to look at each other in disbelief and wonder aloud: “who taught him that?” Usually we do not know and probably never will know. These are words like lobster, planets, hermit crab, submarine, and humpback whale.

But then there are the concepts that are amazing and often very funny. While looking at  his parents’ wedding pictures  hanging on the walls at our home he says “Mommy has a beautiful dress and they are very happy.” Then he adds “I wasn’t there because I decided to stay at our home.”

Or when talking about how hard construction site workers work he throws out: “My daddy works hard, too. He works in a scraper building.” Well, to a two year old
I guess a six story office building does look like a skyscraper. But where did he learn skyscraper?

Our best guess is he is learning some of these things during his three days a
week at preschool. But my bet is there are bewildered teachers at school
wondering where he learned some of what he says there and concluding he
must be learning that at home.

It brings to mind something one of my children’s teachers told a group of assembled parents of kindergarteners many years ago. “I won’t believe half of what I hear is going on in your house if you don’t believe half of what you hear is going on in my classroom.” Deal.